Whenever we are faced with a cataclysmic loss in our lives, the accumulated grief of our entire lifetime rises to the surface.
On Tuesday 26-06-2012 our family had to make another very hard life decision. A decision made, For love ~ From love and Out of love. A heart decision but a choice that really felt like it was taking love away from us. A decision to assist one of our heart companions, our dear fur baby fondly known as ‘FAT FURRY FOREST’ to die.
She had lymphoma; due to her glands swelling internally her colon became impacted. Her body no longer working the way it needed for her to Be the vibrant, jubilant, playful, eternal pup she has always been. And although I didn’t know it in that moment and only upon reflection, have I realized that I have become very afraid about Love leaving me and our family… once again. Love had certainly felt like it has left before – when my Son died ~ my father ~ my Old English sheepdog Roxanne Dancing Star and so many others – far too many to mention that I have loved and felt I had lost.
Within all my previous love and loss journey’s, I had through the “Loss” experience come to believe that when people or animals leave, so does the love. As Humans, we will do almost most anything to avoid feeling pain associated with loss of love. There are also the times when we run straight in and sit within that pain, suffering immensely to make ourselves feel alive and connected to the one that has left.
As our family discussed making the decision about letting someone we love go, floods of my own tears followed me everywhere. These tears kept flowing, in waves, day in – day out. I would look at our sweet Forest and my heart would tighten up with such sorrow. I thought Wow Sharyn, you have walked this road so often what’s the matter with you! I dove into my aching heart and uncovered two beliefs around love and loss. One belief has served me well, the other, a love lie – that in the past has caused me great sadness and was responsible for all these current tears.
LOVE BE(LIE)F 1: The thought of losing love is one of the scariest things we face as human beings. This is true. Knowing this and having experienced it many times has made me more present, to be Aware, to Notice and to Trust. To Surrender and pay attention, to slow down, to love my family and friends and enjoy them in the moment as all we really ever have is NOW.
LOVE BE(LIE)F 2: When a relationship ends or a person or a furry four legged leaves our lives, the love dies – the love leaves with them.
This is totally UNTRUE! The only truth is that belief created in your mind that says “Love is gone ~ everything that you Love is always taken away!” Believe the belief and you will continue to feel pain, excruciating loss and immense sorrow, accumulating every time you experience a loss. Losing someone we love hurts so much. Waves wash over our Hearts; they tumble us around, often bringing us to our knees in complete surrender. It’s hard to handle the immensity of grief; I have learned the only way around it – is through it.
Loving Forest through it. We chose to buy her more time and supported her fat furry body biochemically. I have watched my family the past few weeks love Forest through it. Many nights were spent sleeping next to her, giving extra spoils, treats and big loves. Our Forest just loved eating it was her true passion and calling. Finally the day came when we had to call it. Somewhere inside me I remembered that through choosing Forest and loving her we had on another level subconsciously given her permission to break our hearts.
- Doesn’t this happen with all people and fur-babies that we love?
- Life is so unpredictable,love is scary and there is just so much to lose, and yet the alternative is to build walls – to not love – to miss out on wagging tails, joyful adventures.
- Do we really want to miss out on heart-opening experiences of intimacy, connection, and unconditional love?
On a wintery Tuesday morning this June, the sun shining bright, a father and his two children, completely surrendered to the sorrow and grief upon them, kneeling down together, they found 20 seconds of insane courage. They held sweet Forest, whispered big love into her ears as the Vet administered the injection that took her across the rainbow bridge. Forest died feeling very loved.
So what is left? Hearts- that feel broken-open. A sense of peace and reassurance knowing that we did everything we could for her. Oh that playful pup has brought us such love and laughter. Forest runs free now in fields of green with our sorrowful and joyful hearts so closely tied to her. What I know for sure;
- Avoiding pain or carrying a belief that love leaves or gets taken away, takes loads of wasted energy and brings unnecessary suffering.The truth is that while the physical presence of that which we loved so dearly, ceases to be with us, and while we grieve the physical loss, there is evidence everywhere that love doesn’t die, and in fact,the heart, while it may be breaking, has the opportunity to as it mends, open up to even more love and compassion
- Making the choice to surrender everything, takes insane courage. Surrendering all beliefs that love leaves, surrendering all fears of allowing love to go, takes insane courage. The less you struggle, the more you surrender to love, the more ease you will have. I share a very special mantra with you that has worked for me: Surrender, Trust and Accept
- Find Evidence of Love Everywhere and Open your Heart to Receiving that Love. Remembering that we all need love to live, so take it everywhere you can find it. Surround yourself with people who love you
Hugs, smiles, considerate acts of kindness from strangers, it’s all grand! Ask for their help, and in the moments you find yourself alone, reach out to nature, the sun, a book or a bath to soothe you and connect You to the fact that You will never leave you. Grief gets stored in the body and need to be release. Make appointments and go for Acupuncture, Emotional Freedom technique, Reiki, Breath-work any modality that can help move the emotions inside you. The older I become and through the change and loss experiences the more I realize we are only here for a short while. I have learnt that worrying and trying to control things in life just does not work. I have learnt we are here to make the most of living and enjoying what we have.
SO I invite YOU to pay more Attention to your Life. Start noticing, each and every day, what nourishes you.
- What stills your mind?
- What puts a smile in your heart?
- What calms your heart?
- What brings you to center?
- What connects you more deeply to your body?
- What connects you more deeply to Heart?
- Do you spend enough time with your loved ones and fur-babies?
It is a hard truth that most important things in our lives, the ones we treasure most; are the very ones we cannot keep. We are not victims unless we choose to be. I am an empowered woman because of this. I will do what I can to make changes, and after that all I can do is surrender, trust and accept life as it happens.