My Grief Experience
I’ve learned that grief is not something we experience only when we lose a loved one; it is a complex emotional reaction that we feel when confronted with major life changes: the loss of a job, a dream, a relationship, our home, our health, or even the loss of connection to something we hold dear.
Everyone’s grief journey is different… and the ability to emerge with your soul intact is dependent upon your willingness to do the excruciatingly difficult work that grieving requires. It is a long and lonely process, and no-one can accept the reality of YOUR loss for YOU… it is something that you must do for yourself. If you actively work at grieving it usually takes three years to move through the pain and sadness be able to fully embrace life again.
One of the things I’ve learned on my journey is that LOVE is a force so powerful that it transcends death.
I have learned that Growth and Grief can be quite spectacular. My own experiences have equipped me with Compassion, Empathy, Kindness and Understanding of others suffering.
- I have survived Divorce, Single Parenting and my House burning down.
- The Living loss of family
- I am a Cancer Survivor
- Death of my son Ryan (Age 27)
- Death of both my parents Steve & Maureen
- Death of my Godmother Cathy
- Murder of my sister in-law Denise
- Death of my close friend Ann
- Murder of my best friend Brenda
- Suicide of my friend Tom
Are You Grieving?
Feel your feelings… grief is excruciatingly painful, and there aren’t any shortcuts. The only way to manage the grief is to grow through it.
Take time to remember… and to celebrate your loved one’s legacy.
Listen to your heart… and be gentle with yourself.
Look for ways to help others; it is a great way to heal.
You are NOT alone! Don’t be afraid to ask for help– or a hug– when needed.
I want you to know that : YOU are safe, loved, protected and guided, May you be extra gentle, loving, compassionate and patient with your tender heart. May you know peace. May you know love. Let Hope be your wings of strength & Courage to get you through this time. I am Sending an entourage of GOD’s Angels to comfort you and bring you peace
Supporting Grief?
Are you supporting someone grieving? Don’t worry about finding ‘the right words’. Simply saying “I’m so sorry for your loss” and giving a hug can bring great comfort.
Reach out and continue to reach out. The grieving process takes a LOT longer than you can possibly imagine if you haven’t gone through it. Don’t expect someone to ‘get over it’ in a few weeks or months.
Listen. Part of the grieving process involves telling the story of how your loved one died… and then telling the story of how they lived.
Don’t be afraid to mention the name of the person who died. Creating a safe space to talk about their loved one won’t upset someone who is bereaved. Sharing stories and photographs can help them keep the legacy of their loved one alive.
Provide practical assistance. Don’t say ‘call me if you need anything’… people who are grieving are often disoriented and have trouble remembering things. They may not even remember that you offered to help, and even if they do remember, they probably won’t want to impose on you. Instead, call and say “I’m on my way to the supermarket and am bringing you bread, eggs and milk– what else do you need?”
Firsts are REALLY hard! Doing something for the first time without your loved one is incredibly difficult. Whether its going back to work, going on a trip or going to a party, it can help to have someone recognize and acknowledge these firsts. If you are making a holiday dinner, invite the person who is grieving. They may leave early, or choose not to come, but knowing someone cares enough to reach out to you means a lot.
Remember special dates: Birthdays (both of the person who died and the person you are supporting) and anniversaries are milestones on your grief journey. Put these dates– and the date of death– in your calendar so you can call, text, or send a card. It will make more of a difference than you can possibly imagine.
Understand that you can’t fix this. There isn’t anything you can say or do to bring the person who died back. All you can do is accompany your loved one on their grief journey.
Facebook
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